F*ck Prince Charming, where’s my corporate thug?!?

I find it rather funny when my friends are too busy playing matchmaker and ask me what my ‘type’ is.  One answer: my corporate thug.  Okay, let’s face it…women say they want a good man, but what they really want is that bad boy that’s going to rock her world.  Why do women turn away a good man when he’s standing right in front of her?  I’ll tell you why… we like a challenge, just like you men! When it’s too easy, we have nothing to work towards.  Think about it, the girl next door meets a thug that will give her a little passion.  Women find it fulfilling when she knows she can “change” someone or be that better person.  I hate to say it, sometimes we give ourselves own headaches because we are constantly trying to make you men, better people. It’s not going to work ladies…let them be and save your energy.  Find you a man that doesn’t need to be worked on.  It’ll save you the trouble, plus why should another woman benefit from your hard work? 

Years ago, I was once in a very unhealthy relationship with a man, oh wait… correction, BOY.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets as I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today…touché. Let’s call this boy, Mr. JJ.  First of all, I broke my golden rule when I first dated this guy…never hook up with a guy you meet at a club.  Mr. JJ was charming and I could tell he would do anything and everything in his capacity to catch a girl.  And he did just that.  My friends and family could not understand why an educated, wholesome (*ahem*) woman like me would go out with a low-life wannabe thug that lived at home with mommy and was still serving community service…and, wait for it… did not own a car, plus had a suspended license.  Wow, I couldn’t catch all that in one breath.  Yes, you read it correctly.  I was that girl that dated THAT guy.  Did I really love this guy? Who knows, but I did stick with his loser a** for 15 months.  This guy did every horrible thing a woman could ever imagine… cheated, verbally and physically abused me, and was drunk half of the week.  Why did I stay?  I think it was a mission for me to change this guy’s life.  His friends and family knew how great of an addition I was to his life, but like many men do, he took me for granted.   Regardless, I did everything in my capacity to help him change his life.  From waking up every morning at 5am to drop him off at his community service to helping him with his resume, I was on a mission to make homeboy a better person.  And that I did.  Mr. JJ turned his life around…I mean, he’s still no angel from what I hear.  Before I left this disturbing relationship, Mr. JJ found a new life.  He got a job with the help of my talented resume and interview skills, completed all his community service and even got his license back!   But, I did what I had to do... I finally walked away from this unhealthy relationship that was tearing me apart.  It was about time I did something for myself and better my life.  Bettering my life meant not having him in it.  You must be thinking, WTF this is not the TRACY GARCIA that I know.  Yeah, we all have our weak moments in life.  Get over it.  I eventually did.     

Since then, I have to admit, I have turned away my share of ‘good men’.   Do you think women are afraid of committing to a ‘good man’?  In my opinion, I think a woman does not want a pushover.  Before you react, I am not saying all good men are pushovers, but you have to admit, some are.  Now, let’s get back to this corporate thug concept of mine.  My friends think I am crazy when I say, “I haven’t found my corporate thug”. Come on, prince charming is so 20^th century.  I am looking for a guy that has that balance.  A man with swag, yet still knows how to carry himself.  There’s nothing like a man in a nice suit  that smells delicious.  That’s what I want.  I once met a guy online (oh yes there’s a blog coming soon!) who had that corporate thug effect that I was looking for.  Dude grew up in the hood, born and raised in Detroit, but is now an executive for Citibank.  This man had his hood-ish ways, but could turn off the switch when it came to his professional life.  LOVE IT.  I am not saying I need a man that once slanged drugs when he was 18 and turned his life around and went to college.  I want a man that has style, personality and dedication to be successful in whatever he pursues.  I use this term ‘corporate thug’ a little loosely.  I think you get my drift.

I had a conversation today with a male companion of mine about generalizations… therefore I will make my best attempt to not allude to general statements.  I (and I am not representing all of woman-kind) prefer a man that knows how to treat a lady, yet knows how to put her in her place when need be.  Yes, I believe I am that kind of woman that needs that.  We can come up with a long list of standards and requirements we look for in a partner, but who are we kidding?  You can’t have everything… well, you can but that’s where infidelity comes into place.  But please, don’t get me started on that… I am sure you’ll love my two cents on this topic.

The 21st Century Black Book

Do you remember when black books still existed? I think my last recollection of when people still owned black books was in the 90’s. Yes that would have put me in elementary school. For you youngin’s, I am referring to the ‘black book’ that men (and some women) used to keep track of their pool of potential sexual encounters. Seriously, has technology really taken over our lives? It seems as though we are that dependent on blackberries, I-phones and social media to help us remember our meetings, dates and phone numbers of potential booty calls.  I know for a fact that even with technology, our memory span does us little good these days.  So, you are thinking, “where is she going with this?”… well, let me tell you about an eye-opening conversation I had with my two friends over dinner earlier this evening.

Before I continue telling you about my fascinating conversation, let me give you the background on one of my male friends that made this conversation exist in the first place.  I prefer to keep him anonymous; however I’d like to have a point of reference whenever I speak of him.  When we first met over a year ago, he introduced himself to me at my job (mind you, he was on a date with another woman) and asked me if I knew about the “anaconda”?  Ha, I thought to myself, what a f*cking joke of a pick-up line.  But, hey, he got my attention and it worked.  So since then, “anaconda” has stuck with me, therefore tonight we shall refer to him as ‘Mr. A’.

My buddy Mr. A is quite a character.  He invited us to join him for dinner at Town, which happens to be a joint that he could probably be the official Mayor since he frequents this spot at least four times a week.  I swear… this dude knows everyone and their mama, literally.  You name it… he knows everyone from the college kids from UM, the foreigners visiting from Argentina, the owner, the bartenders and waitresses. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew their grandmothers.  Anyway, my point is…my buddy makes every effort to meet everyone that passes his way.  Now, you can only imagine how his dating life is.  And this is the reason why I bring up the ‘non-existent black book’.  During dinner, I noticed Mr. A had two cell phones on the table.  I ask him, “So, which phone is for all the hoes you pick up and please tell me my # is in the other phone!”  He gave a smirk and continued to pass me the phone as I insisted to check out the real estate.  My girlfriend and I laughed hysterically as I started fussing with his phone book.  I was amazed, not at the amount of people in his phone, but how he referred to them.  As I scrolled down the entire phone book to find names such as Brazilian, Dominican, Girl at Hard Rock, Black Hair Girl,  Girl at Pool, Fat Chick, Stripper….OMG, with all the women you meet, do you not have the decency to remember their names, yet alone ASK them for their name before you jot their number down????? Ha, I was surprised, but at the same time, I wasn’t.  My friend, Mr. A, is a classic player.  And he’s damn good at what he does.  Hence, this is the reason why I never entertained his ass.   

And again, the Mayor strikes again.  He introduced us to a girl that frequents this joint.  Mr. A calls her Pocahontas and I quote him, “Man, I have been trying to hit that for over a year”.  Folks, this girl goes to the same university as his daughter.  Yes, you heard me…this 42 year old man is hittin’ girls that are probably in his daughter’s college Psychology class.  True player, I tell you.  When I asked him, what is it going to take for a woman to finally snatch you and make you want to settle down? He says, “Never gonna happen.  I love being single.”  It really hit me, being single is not for everyone, but it works for others. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my buddy Mr. A, but he can get real intense with the ladies.  His breed is out there… and I’d classify him as the man you want to keep your daughters away from.  In his eyes, there is no such thing as dating.  His idea of a date is let’s go to the bar, let me buy you a drink…now finish your drink so I can go home and bang you.  Believe it or not, I would say he has a 85% success rate.  Not bad at all huh?  Well, his persistency is what keeps him above the 80% percentile.  Once he gauges a woman won’t budge, he moves on to the next one.  In a way, I believe his strategy works.  Women come crawling to him and you’ll find them making out in the first hour.  Who knows what could happen in hour three…

Ladies, now the moral of the story:  If you are single and still out on the market, you may need to aquire some of Mr. A’s pimp skills…and I am not referring to his player ways.  When a dude is trying to talk to you, I don’t think it hurts if you play a little hard to get.  At the end of the day, if we wants you….he’ll come running to you.  And he’ll do it, it’s because he knows you are worth the effort.  If dude doesn’t come back…then he wasn’t worth your time in the first place. On to the next, baby.  Learn from Mr. A and waste no time.

And the countdown has begun...

The day I turned 29... I said to myself "Oh sh!t, this is it.  Live up your last year in your twenties".  Both scared and excited...I knew the pressure was on!  Aside from the constant inquiries of my single mother wondering why her successful, educated daughter was still single at 29...yeah, imagine that.  And every corner I looked, my single friends slowly diminished and entered the 'grown-up world' and by that I mean boyfriends, marriages, and even bearing children.  In my oh-so-no-longer-existent youthful days, I used to dwell on why I was single and why every man I dated did not want to have a committed relationship.  Ha, what a fool I was...what did I know back then.  Who doesn't wish they once knew what we what know now?  Yeah, that would have saved a lot of heart aches and heart breaks.  During my last birthday, I was surrounded by my family and friends...whom all showered me with love, affection, and a whole lotta attention. That is when I fully accepted and embraced my single life. 

Life hit me just like that... my nieces and nephews that I once changed diapers for are now old enough to own cell phones... Yeah, I still don't believe some of these kids own cell phones at such a young age!  Speaking of diapers, I must give props to all the single mothers and fathers that are holding it down for their little rugrats.  They doing their thang and more power to you all. A girlfriend of mine, who happens to be a divorcee and single mother of two, once said to me...'damn Tracy, you don't realize how lucky you are. enjoy your life'.  And she was absolutely right...and I did just that.  Enjoyed life.

Two years later... I am now living in beautiful downtown Miami, live 5 minutes from work and have a career that I say many people would love to be in my shoes.  I have been fortunate to have a career that has served as an avenue to meet all kinds of people...tall, short, rich and even richer, beautiful, not-so-beautiful, pretentious, humble...you name it.  The one thing most NON-MIAMIANS (i don't even know if those words exist) have the misconception about this city is that it's the best thing since sliced bread.  Yeah, maybe for 3 days, 4 max. Seriously, the beaches are great, the weather is beautiful in the winter...but some of these folks in Miami think their sh!t don't stink.  Come on guys, get over yourself.  As a former resident of Los Angeles, I will say that MIAMI is the most pretentious city, with LA not too far behind.  Ha..agree to disagree.  It's rare you'll find folks like me, an OG Cali-Breed. Yes, we folks say hello and good morning to you even if we don't know you...

Anyway, I could keep ranting but then I wouldn't have much to say on my next post.  Hmm, who am kidding...?  I have a brain full of knowledge and a mouth that won't shut up.  You are a officially a part of my journey, unless you decide the ride is too much for you...then get the f*@k off .  :)  Besos.