Just Me

A long awaited blog.  Yes, it has been a minute since I graced you with my blogging presence.  Since my last blog, my schedule has consisted of long hours at work with a concoction of some Cali love.  For those that know me well enough, Cali is my heart and home.  When times get tough and stressful, you’ll find me at LAX in a heartbeat.  And when times get tougher, my newest form of venting is: blogging.  I am changing it up this time… today I am going to open up my mind and heart for you to see what is really going on in this crazy head of mine.  

Today was a stressful, then happy, then emotional day for me.  You ask why?  Well, I don’t think it’s so much as the incidents that occurred today…okay, who am I kidding, yes it is.  Don’t you hate it when reality just strikes you in the head and you say to yourself “what the F--- are you doing with your life?”  Yeah, I know you’re nodding ‘coz you’ve all been there at some point in your life.  For Tracy Garcia, let’s say this happens, ummm… quarterly?  Life can be great and you’re happy with friends and family… then one day, you wake up feeling unworthy like you don’t feel like you are fulfilling your destiny.  I sound dramatic right now, don’t I?  Well, hello…nice to meet you, My name is Tracy “Dramatic” Garcia.  I swear, I should’ve pursued that acting career or else I wouldn’t be wasting my time nagging to you all.  Anyway, moving forward… 

It was supposed to be a normal day at the office.  Except, I woke up three hours extra earlier than scheduled so that I could work on a project that I have been trying to finish…or start, to say the least.  It was a semi-stressful day, but I knew that my day was going to get better at 5’o clock.  After work, I had plans to meet a special someone to spend some quality time. It had been a minute since we had last seen each other. Okay folks, let’s keep this rated G as I know exactly what you are thinking. What you’re thinking is probably right, but no visual graphics allowed beyond this point. Two hours pass and I find myself arriving at home…alone. I sat on my sofa and turned my TV on.  Then suddenly, a burst of tears just flowed down my face.  I could not understand what was going on in my head and why I was becoming so emotional.  Yes, PMS is always the first thought.  But, what I could not figure out was why I was feeling all this unwanted energy.  I thought to myself, I am far away from home and the people closest and dearest to me are not in arm’s reach. I have a career that I am good at, but is it what I have always been passionate about?  I live in a city where it’s nearly impossible to have a semi-decent date without having to deal with the pressures of living up to society’s stupid standards of beauty.  And, if we truly want me to be honest, I am involved with a man that cannot fully commit himself to me.  My problems sound like every other single woman’s story. Great. 

I sit here in front of my laptop trying to find it deep inside of me to just wake up to the reality that this is life.   Live it.  That’s the first step.  Life is all about making choices and the best thing about it is that it’s all in our own hands.  I love my life, but I don’t always love the choices that I make.  Can’t say I regret any of my choices because it only helps me make better ones in the future. It’s easy for anyone to tell you, “hey, you’re not happy with your job, then quit!”  or  “He’s a jacka$$ because he don’t want to be with you.  So leave!”  But, it aint always as easy and simple as it appears to be. 

I know this isn’t my usual blog where I am dissecting the emotional and psychological states of men and women, but I wanted to share with you…ME.  My thoughts, My feelings, My Vulnerability.  I am very capable of being a strong, independent woman, but don’t forget that key word…I am still a woman.  Alright, I think I’ll quit being so dramatic and head to bed now.  I’ll be back with more of my crazy thoughts.  But, it won’t be until after the NBA All-Star weekend in Orlando.  You know where to find me.  Till next time. Good night.       

The Price We Pay For Beauty...Do you accept American Express?

I set my alarm this morning for 6:30am, but snoozed at least 3 times. I finally found it in me to get my butt out of bed by 7:40am. I could not even imagine myself stepping into the gym that early in the morning, but all I kept thinking about was that extra 20 lbs I needed to lose. By 7:50am, I was on that treadmill bumpin' my pandora to Beyonce. I sit here as I write this blog shortly after returning from the gym for the second time today. Exhausted, no doubt.

It's a tough society we live in today especially with all the pressures of living in a size 2 world. Hey, they say "thin is no longer in". But, I am sure a large portion of today's women strive to look like they did when they were in college. I will be the first to stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Tracy and I am addicted to losing weight". As a young, single professional, I have seen how my appearance has personally affected my professional career, as well as my dating life. They say that times have changed in the corporate world, but I still feel that "d&*ks" rule this world. How many times have you seen the male manager hire a female because her double d's looked hot in a corset? It baffles me how men would rather hire a female for her looks, rather than her skills, experience, and education. Trust me, I have been a victim of it and I have been given no other choice but to look at the other direction.

They say women have it easy when they've got the goods...and it's absolutely true. These days women strive for beauty in so many ways: bleached blonde hair, fake eyelashes, botox lips, fake a$$, and silicon boobies. I have not seen more plastic surgery than here in Miami. You can't blame a chick if she has to hit up the gym twice a day...look at the thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery she has to compete with.

Okay, so we all know that I am of Asian descent...ha, boy is it tough out here in Miami to date. Believe it or not, I am part of the 2% asian population that exists here in Florida. Miami has all kinds of beautiful people here, but again not many of them are Asian. As a result, the men here are not normally attracted to women like me. That's okay, I am not trippen at all. I proud of my culture and the beauty that has evolved from it. But, I aint gonna lie. Dating in Miami is tough. With the wide range of men and women here, people are allowed to be picky because they have "options". At the end of the day, the younger, "cosmetically enhanced" woman and the man with the 7-figure income is what will likely bring the two people together. Superficial, yes. Reality, double yes.

Living in Miami for over two years, I used to be so disgusted with the fakeness of the people in this city. After my first 6 months, I finally brushed my opinions aside and accepted it for what it is. The pretentious mindset and the superficial energy of the many "miamians" will never change. I used to spend too much time worrying about how everyone acted, but instead I should have focused on keeping that positive energy in my life. Life and maturity itself has changed me. I told myself that by my 30th birthday, I want to feel and look my best. It's easier said than done, but the focus and perserverance is my driving force. I feel I am more ready than I have ever been. Screw the liposuction and a$$ implants... yes, I will admit that I have considered those two options. Even considered going to Colombia coz I heard the greatest asses are produced there. It's that time to work hard and lose the distractions. Can't let no man tell me that I am not good enough and no woman dare be a threat to me.

Ladies, please continue to tell yourself that you are beautiful inside and out. I have victimized my own self by allowing to think that all the beauty is dependent on the color of your tan, the size of your chest and how hot you look when you rock them Louboutins. I am a proud, independent woman that views her self as smart, sexy and confident. And so should you. If all else fails, watch a few episodes of the Biggest Loser.. that always seems to help me get motivated :)

The Man Cheater vs the Woman Cheater

Today I am going to approach this from a different angle.  Let me step into the shoes of a man for a second here.  So, I am a man and like a large percentage (let’s say 50%) of the male population is bound to cheat at some point in their life.  Why do men cheat? If you are woman reading this, I am almost sure you’re spitting out your theories as we speak.  In my opinion, I think men are biologically built this way.  No excuses here.  Let’s break it down and analyze a few of the thousands of theories men (and women) have come up with as to why cheating has been justifiable.  

One of the most common theories I have heard is that men just need variety.  True.  Don’t we all?  I almost sure men view women the same way women view shoes.  Think about it, we women probably own over 60 pairs of shoes that we don’t need, but we always have that one pair we always want and need to wear.  We never need new shoes, however we want a new pair every week to satisfy our shoe craving.  Similar analogy, well, I would hope a man doesn’t have over 60 women but I am sure he’ll have a handful of women to choose from.  But at the end of the day, he still has that one woman he can go home to.  I dated this guy over a year ago and we had a nice debate about cheating.  I hate to say he actually made sense, but after he explained the simple concept, I understood exactly what he was saying.  Don’t get it twisted, I said I understood him, but not once did I condone it.  This guy explained that when a man cheats on his woman, he may not be cheating because of the mere fact that he’s unhappy.  A man can be extremely happy with his woman and loves what she does for him in and out of the bedroom.  He continued to claim that a man could cheat merely because of the fact that he wants “new pussy”.  In his mind, a man could go out and have great sex with another woman and that’s it.  That’s all it is…a great f*ck.  He can go home and still have bomb sex with his lady at home and be happy.  Women, doesn’t that suck?  You could be doing everything right, but your man is still bound to go out and cheat on you based on the mere fact that he wants something “new” or “different”.  Aint life a b*tch. 

Now women, why do we cheat?  Ok, let’s just say, hypothetically, I was in a monogamous relationship with a man.  What would be the driving force for me to cheat on my man?  I think the reasons for why women cheat are pretty cut and dry.  If I cheated on my man, I could say that it was a result of either an emotional or physical void that would eventually drive me into the arms of another man.  Let’s not rule out the idea that a woman, just like men, also wants variety in their sex life.  Okay, since my blog is an open book to the world, I won’t hold back.  Many years ago, I once was associated with a married man… notice how I don’t use the word “involved”.  Don’t want you to make any preconceived ideas before I even finish my story.  Let’s call this married man, Em-B.  Em-b was a married man in his mid 30’s with two children.  I knew there was an initial attraction when we first met, but I did not pursue him as I knew he was “happily” married.  Boy, was I wrong.  People are deceiving and sure know how to paint a happy picture.  After 6 months of being in each other’s company, I come to find that he was unhappy with his marriage and oops… he had been crushing on me for quite some time.  Yes, we had our daily text exchanges and phone calls.  We grew to know one another.  This man learned to care for me, and even at one point, love me, because I was satisfying a void he felt he was missing.  Oh, I know what you’re thinking…silly Tracy, he was just saying that ‘coz that’s what men do!  Hey, believe it or not, this man and I never engaged in a physical relationship even after 9 months.  At the end of the day, although I was fulfilling his emotional needs, he could not find it in his heart to commit adultery…and the feeling was mutual.  After 9 months, we collectively decided that it was in the best interest of his family (and me!) that we no longer pursued this fairytale relationship.  I tell you this experience of mine because this one of the few reasons why women find the urge to cheat.  Because we women are such emotional creatures, we are always looking for someone to make us feel better about ourselves, give us that attention we lack, and better yet, make us feel like we are worthy.  Yes, women are needy…go figure.  And the icing on the cake…if we’re attracted to another man, that’s it: let the cheating begin.  Okay, if it’s not a lack of emotional fulfillment, women will simply cheat because her man is not holdin’ it down in the bedroom.  Pretty simple.  She may just want “new” and “better” goods to work her kitty cat.  So, if your woman is cheating and you put her on a pedestal, it probably means you suck in the sack, buddy. In this case, women are no longer different than the male population.   

So I ask myself, why would I be in a relationship if I just want to cheat on my spouse?  The common question people ask is “why don’t you just leave?”  Let’s face it people, we don’t like the UNKNOWN.  As a woman, I probably won’t take that risk of leaving what I currently have until I really know that the “flava of the month” is the real deal.  Why should I leave until I really know that I am upgrading to the Lexus from that Corolla?  Women are always aiming to have something better.  I admit it, we are never satisfied.  Okay, we lose 10 lbs, but we will still think we’re fat.  Many women don’t want to take that risk of walking away from something they’ve invested in even if it doesn’t serve her best interest.  Men, on the other hand, don’t leave, simply because they want to have their cake and eat it too.  Some men can easily admit that and will carry on regardless.  Many men just want to have fun and know that they still have someone they can come home to, regardless if they are happy or not.  When all is said and done, these men know that they can get away with their infidelities and women will still be likely to forgive them.  I will be the first to admit that many women tolerate this kind of foolishness.  By no means am I condoning marital unfaithfulness, but I think men continue to do what they do because some women don’t put a stop to it.  Come on b*tches, step up your game, be a REAL woman and walk away.             

I love this topic, cheating ‘coz I could go on and on.  A good friend of mine, E, recently wrote an e-book about “How to not get caught cheating”.  I love it because he’s so insightful and this is coming from a man who’s been there, done and said it all!  All jokes aside, I really have learned a lot about men and what goes on in their brain because of my boy E.  He’s got a great perspective and it’s pretty much reality from his point of view.  Men, if you dare want to step up your “cheating” game, this may be your book… hold on, women, I know you are always trying to be three steps ahead because we all know we are smart like that.  So, if you are smart, then you’ll check it out.  Feel free to visit his site: http://www.wontgetcaughtcheating.com/.  If you get the chance to read it, would love to hear your feedback!  Nothing like a great conversation about cheating. J