Today I am going to approach this from a different angle. Let me step into the shoes of a man for a second here. So, I am a man and like a large percentage (let’s say 50%) of the male population is bound to cheat at some point in their life. Why do men cheat? If you are woman reading this, I am almost sure you’re spitting out your theories as we speak. In my opinion, I think men are biologically built this way. No excuses here. Let’s break it down and analyze a few of the thousands of theories men (and women) have come up with as to why cheating has been justifiable.
One of the most common theories I have heard is that men just need variety. True. Don’t we all? I almost sure men view women the same way women view shoes. Think about it, we women probably own over 60 pairs of shoes that we don’t need, but we always have that one pair we always want and need to wear. We never need new shoes, however we want a new pair every week to satisfy our shoe craving. Similar analogy, well, I would hope a man doesn’t have over 60 women but I am sure he’ll have a handful of women to choose from. But at the end of the day, he still has that one woman he can go home to. I dated this guy over a year ago and we had a nice debate about cheating. I hate to say he actually made sense, but after he explained the simple concept, I understood exactly what he was saying. Don’t get it twisted, I said I understood him, but not once did I condone it. This guy explained that when a man cheats on his woman, he may not be cheating because of the mere fact that he’s unhappy. A man can be extremely happy with his woman and loves what she does for him in and out of the bedroom. He continued to claim that a man could cheat merely because of the fact that he wants “new pussy”. In his mind, a man could go out and have great sex with another woman and that’s it. That’s all it is…a great f*ck. He can go home and still have bomb sex with his lady at home and be happy. Women, doesn’t that suck? You could be doing everything right, but your man is still bound to go out and cheat on you based on the mere fact that he wants something “new” or “different”. Aint life a b*tch.
Now women, why do we cheat? Ok, let’s just say, hypothetically, I was in a monogamous relationship with a man. What would be the driving force for me to cheat on my man? I think the reasons for why women cheat are pretty cut and dry. If I cheated on my man, I could say that it was a result of either an emotional or physical void that would eventually drive me into the arms of another man. Let’s not rule out the idea that a woman, just like men, also wants variety in their sex life. Okay, since my blog is an open book to the world, I won’t hold back. Many years ago, I once was associated with a married man… notice how I don’t use the word “involved”. Don’t want you to make any preconceived ideas before I even finish my story. Let’s call this married man, Em-B. Em-b was a married man in his mid 30’s with two children. I knew there was an initial attraction when we first met, but I did not pursue him as I knew he was “happily” married. Boy, was I wrong. People are deceiving and sure know how to paint a happy picture. After 6 months of being in each other’s company, I come to find that he was unhappy with his marriage and oops… he had been crushing on me for quite some time. Yes, we had our daily text exchanges and phone calls. We grew to know one another. This man learned to care for me, and even at one point, love me, because I was satisfying a void he felt he was missing. Oh, I know what you’re thinking…silly Tracy, he was just saying that ‘coz that’s what men do! Hey, believe it or not, this man and I never engaged in a physical relationship even after 9 months. At the end of the day, although I was fulfilling his emotional needs, he could not find it in his heart to commit adultery…and the feeling was mutual. After 9 months, we collectively decided that it was in the best interest of his family (and me!) that we no longer pursued this fairytale relationship. I tell you this experience of mine because this one of the few reasons why women find the urge to cheat. Because we women are such emotional creatures, we are always looking for someone to make us feel better about ourselves, give us that attention we lack, and better yet, make us feel like we are worthy. Yes, women are needy…go figure. And the icing on the cake…if we’re attracted to another man, that’s it: let the cheating begin. Okay, if it’s not a lack of emotional fulfillment, women will simply cheat because her man is not holdin’ it down in the bedroom. Pretty simple. She may just want “new” and “better” goods to work her kitty cat. So, if your woman is cheating and you put her on a pedestal, it probably means you suck in the sack, buddy. In this case, women are no longer different than the male population.
So I ask myself, why would I be in a relationship if I just want to cheat on my spouse? The common question people ask is “why don’t you just leave?” Let’s face it people, we don’t like the UNKNOWN. As a woman, I probably won’t take that risk of leaving what I currently have until I really know that the “flava of the month” is the real deal. Why should I leave until I really know that I am upgrading to the Lexus from that Corolla? Women are always aiming to have something better. I admit it, we are never satisfied. Okay, we lose 10 lbs, but we will still think we’re fat. Many women don’t want to take that risk of walking away from something they’ve invested in even if it doesn’t serve her best interest. Men, on the other hand, don’t leave, simply because they want to have their cake and eat it too. Some men can easily admit that and will carry on regardless. Many men just want to have fun and know that they still have someone they can come home to, regardless if they are happy or not. When all is said and done, these men know that they can get away with their infidelities and women will still be likely to forgive them. I will be the first to admit that many women tolerate this kind of foolishness. By no means am I condoning marital unfaithfulness, but I think men continue to do what they do because some women don’t put a stop to it. Come on b*tches, step up your game, be a REAL woman and walk away.
I love this topic, cheating ‘coz I could go on and on. A good friend of mine, E, recently wrote an e-book about “How to not get caught cheating”. I love it because he’s so insightful and this is coming from a man who’s been there, done and said it all! All jokes aside, I really have learned a lot about men and what goes on in their brain because of my boy E. He’s got a great perspective and it’s pretty much reality from his point of view. Men, if you dare want to step up your “cheating” game, this may be your book… hold on, women, I know you are always trying to be three steps ahead because we all know we are smart like that. So, if you are smart, then you’ll check it out. Feel free to visit his site: http://www.wontgetcaughtcheating.com/. If you get the chance to read it, would love to hear your feedback! Nothing like a great conversation about cheating. J
Interesting perspectives on the "why" behind cheating and the automatic justifications that each gender clings to. Sounds like you handled the "Em-B" situation as well as you could. Perhaps another angle for discussion could be how inclined people would be to cheat if we lived in a world where the cheatee (?) was entitled to a "hall pass" if they were cheated on, but this is probably a moot point that doesn't solve the deeper problems of the absence of the cornerstones of relationships: ethics, honesty, and integrity.
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